This is not my ceiling
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
