been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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