Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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