dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
