youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
