He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
