wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
