He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
