if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize