Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
God, I missed his penis.
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