my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
