I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
