i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
