I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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