TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
