I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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