A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
