I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
