forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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