"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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