Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
