that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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