I could have mohawked her pubes.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
