I am puke
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
