I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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