It was confusing and full of hummus
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
