I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
