the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
This baby is an asshole
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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