a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
