Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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