You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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