I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
