Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
