i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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