he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
