Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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