We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's never too late to be topless.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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