there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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