You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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