i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
