capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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