your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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