broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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