For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
