He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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