I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
