i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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