Rock
Scissors
Fuck
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
