he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
