I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
