My Higher Power is John Stamos
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
