standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
