Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
