Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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