Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
