Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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