I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize