Betty ford says i'm here all night
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
