who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
