hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
