I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
