He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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