I think my vagina is haunted
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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