In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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