oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize